I'm so weird

Well my girlfriend was just reading my blog, and we were talking.. And I recalled how I felt when the racket snapped, it was really weird.. I felt so sad, it was like I broke up with the racket.. All that sentimental value, all the matches I lost and won with it.. So weird right? It's like I was in a relationship with it hahaha.. All the ups and downs we went through together!

Already a month..

WARNING: Before you read, please get yourself a nice cup of tea, and prepare for an ULTRA depressing post! Literally get a cup of tea before you read.

Word count: 1819

Hey there! Long time eh? How did one month pass by so quickly? I thought it has only been like 2 weeks since I said I was gonna blog xD Well now is the time to blog.. Why? Coz I feel like shiet.. like COMPLETE trash.. I don't feel like doing anything now. Why? Coz of the tournament that I played in over the weekend just then, it was so bad.. That shit can't even be called badminton. To top everything off I snapped two strings, got them restrung then snapping the Z-Force. So freaking retarded..

Doubles, I had no choice but to lose.. I didn't play too bad but my partner was just getting owned with every shot going to him xD But singles and mixed.. That shit was fucked. Played so many shit matches of mixed during the season where I basically was playing singles on court, then come to tournament with that mindset and played singles on the court like a fucking retard. Literally every shot was a singles shot, did like two pushes in the whole game. Only on the way home did I realise that I wasn't playing mixed, I knew I was playing shit and disgusting but didn't realise that fact on the court, maybe if I did we coulda won.. Maybe if I wasn't that shiet eh? Always next time.. Even though I'm going to state league now, I'll probs go back down to A grade after the winter season coz I just get trashed too much and drop instead of improve.. During the whole tournament I had one good game, that was singles against a friend. Even though I lost, it was a good game compared to the rest.. All the rest where either opponents on a completely different level, or I played like a shitcunt..

I don't understand why I have broken so many rackets compared to other people, I don't mistreat my rackets, I don't throw them on the ground. I don't hit the ground << I see so many people do this.. But I seem to always break my racket, it was my favorite racket as well.. Maybe I can get one off a friend for cheap since he doesn't use it anymore, but I really don't have the money right now for another racket.. I should probs being a little shit and just use my brother's rackets.. I used them before, a little weird but once I got used to them, they were great.. But the reason I don't wanna use them is that I'm scared of breaking them too, how much dad and brother would scold me. Saying I hit the racket of the ground etc, coz I apparently I used to do that when I have to move backwards. But I'm pretty sure I have stopped that habit already.

Gee what a long ass depressing post eh? Well just so you know, I spent around 5 seconds wondering how to spelling depressing after typing "deper" I wished so many times that I can go back in time and change all the things that I have done, one thing I'm thinking of now, is that I shouldn't have spent so much money on a new computer, shouldn't have borrowed money, this feeling of owing money is the worst.. Even though I know I can return the money after a long time since it was from my girlfriend, but I hate this feeling.. Normally getting shouted lunch is fine coz I can pay back in that week by shouting them lunch, but this time it's a hard amount of money, at least to me it is.. It just feels as though no cash I have is mine, But that is true since it is the saved up money to payback..

So many things I want to buy, but I have to keep dreaming about them. I know that my girlfriend will read this and ask me what I want. And I will tell her the headphones that I want, but I don't want that, I don't want her to buy it for me even though I know she really doesn't mind. I just feel like shit when people give me the things that I ask for, makes me feel so low. I want to earn the things that I buy, that way I take care of them. In my opinion, I think I take pretty good care of all the things that I own, yes that includes my rackets even though I didn't pay for every single one.. The only rackets I have paid for was half the Z-force and the VT80. Dad said he would pay for half the racket so obviously I agreed =] Nowadays he won't pay any xD Even though I know my dad won't pay for anything for me anymore, apart from obvious stuff, I still like to ask him to pay, why? Because I like the way my dad responds xD Tells me that I work and he pays me then also have to pay for MY stuff.

So a friend of mine asked me if I thought it was fine that a person got out of a 2.5 year relationship then start dating a friend that the ex also knows in 6 months. I think that it's fine, as long as the person is sure that he/she wants that last relationship gone and isn't wavering about the ex, why? Coz it ruins the next relationship, I admit that I went into my current relationship still wavering over my ex at the time, it was horrible. The new relationship was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and til now it is still hard.. Why? Because about 1 year into it, I started wavering again and lost my girlfriend's trust. Til now she still doesn't fully trust me, and I don't blame her for that. I'm an indecisive person, if I could have gone back in time, I would have waited longer before going into another relationship just so I don't have to hurt the my girlfriend like this and poke a big hole in the relationship. Not saying that I wouldn't date my current girlfriend, coz I know you'll be reading this and thinking that, it's just that this relationship has a big hole that I have no idea to fix and that I wish I didn't hurt you the way I did, and I'm sorry. I hate myself as a person, because I hate all the stuff I have done, all the stupid decisions I selfishly made and hurt people closest to me.

I know one thing that if I had gone back in time that I would still buy.. my keyboard, I love this thing to bits, especially when I am typing like this and just not stopping, it makes sounds that is like sex to my ears! XD there you go! That's the happy bit of this post! Maybe more later, but I've been at this for about an hour now, and I still have stuff on my mind but I can't pinpoint them. So I'll take a break And I thought of one right there, the game where you try to get the 2048 tile, it's a game on your phone! So after 3 days of playing I finally got it =] Picture later, but now it's time for me to take a break, go upstairs say hi to my mom and pour myself a nice cup of tea, maybe even green tea.

And I'm back, and mom is going to cook me a nice fat pork steak for me tonight =] My parents still want me to go back to church, I wonder if it really bothers them that much that I don't go to church anymore.. But they don't directly ask me to go to church anymore, but subtly they will imply it.. Just then my mom was telling me that one of the church pastors came to the coffee shop today, and she was saying how he was so young but so knowledgeable, and how all pastors are really knowledgeable people.

Got myself a cup of milk tea instead of green tea.. Because I like to have green tea, when I'm relaxed playing games or doing homework, but right now even thought I enough doing this, I'm not feeling relaxed at all, I haven't been feeling relaxed after the tournament. Even though I'm really tired, and easily doze off the sleep, I don't feel relaxed.. I have so much homework to do and so much to catch up on, because I miss so many lectures, but I can't bring myself to doing them when I am like this.. Before the tournament I was ready to have to spend the Sunday watching at least my EEE and Statics lecture, but now I just feel like shit.. But I promised myself that I will get to it after I'm done with this post and dinner, no more procrastination tonight and if I finish my work early enough I get to go and hit the gym.. Get my music on and work.. If you are interested I listen to DJ Epsilon and TranceformYourWorld << this was the guy who did NanoMusikTV but it got shutdown. Just so you know, those two are different genres of music. DJ Epsilon is more clubby style songs whereas TranceformYourWorld as the name suggests (feel like I'm writing an essay =.=) has more songs to take me away from this place, as gay as it sounds, it makes me feel like I'm in my own world and I can do anything I want to eg. cry. Lel.

I have so many things that I want to buy, mostly technology because I always watch unboxings and reviews on youtube, you can tell me its gay, geeky, nerdy but I enjoy it, why? Because it's like me buying it and seeing what you get with it and how it performs without having to pay. But this also makes me want to buy the stuff and have it for myself if it turns out to be a good product!

So for now there's nothing that I want to talk about. I have downloaded a couple of songs about nothing that SPECTACULAR to post for you guys.. Ooo maybe this song I'm listening to right now.. Well if I find any tonight, I will make sure I post it tomorrow! I promise!

As you can probably tell from my writing/typing that I am feeling better now, compare before I went to get tea and after! So, once again, this blog has helped me relief my stress! Yayer!

Just to clarify I didn't try to write the biggest post in my life or anything, it's just that all these thinks just popped into my head while typing, one thing lead to another. Bye!

Byebye Z-Force! May the force be with you.

Soon..

I will blog soon..

What's going on?

Almost been half a year since last time I blogged eh? Not much has been going on actually.. There were some songs I wanted to post up here but then I never got around to it. I'll chuck some on tomorrow or something!

Well exams didn't go so well: three distinctions and a pass.. Sure I passed everything and it's great but if I had put in some effort I coulda probs gotten at least two HD's.. But that's what you get for being lazy..

Nothing much to do in the holidays, just work and save up the money for a computer! Already decided on my stuff so now I'm just waiting for next week when I get my pay then I'll have enough money =) People tell me I'm wasting my money building a new computer even thought the one I have right now still works.. Well sure it works but I can't even play new gamed without the power supply cutting the power because one/more of the components cannot handle the game.. It's like telling a car enthusiast that he is wasting his money on better brakes because his brakes are still fine.. You know what I mean? Anyways this is something that I like and want so I don't mind spending some koney on it.. Coz that's what money is for isn't it?

Sitting in the car at the moment, going to hahndorf for dinner.. My bro is driving the car and I hate hs driving.. He just crashed recently, nothing serious but it was coz of his stupid driving.. And my sister crashed a couple of days ago, a bit more serious.. The car cannt start and has to be towed, and she is somewhere in the remote outback of Australia haha..

So many drivers forget to turn their headlights on at night, not trying to be a hypocrite coz I have forgotten before as well, but when I remind them to turn it on, it just makes me feel like a life saver =] In two nights I saved two drivers but I couldn't save the last one coz I had to turn left to go home..

So we just reached hahndorf so it's time for dinner.. Definately not letting my bro drive home otherwise I'll actually die in a car crash! Now lesko have pork hock and a beer!

Girls are too hard to understand..

The end of Dentistry

So I have pretty much made up my mind to drop out of dentistry, and probably take the rest of the year off and work and stuff. Unless I can get into mid year entry into engineering, but I'm pretty sure it is too late for that. I just can't wait for all the comments and shit that I'm going to get from my dad, brother, uncles, aunties, and especially my grandpa. I feel like shit for letting them down that I'm not doing dentistry. Obviously it would be a lie to say I tried my BEST, but I did try, not 100% but enough to know that it is seriously not the thing for me. I don't think it is possible for me to do 5 years only thinking about the money I get after Uni. If you know me, you know how materialistic I am, and how much money means to me, and dentistry cannot overcome that so.. yeah..

I always say 'I wish I had never gotten the offer.' But now I think about it, it is quite an achievement even though I did not even get through one year xD I still think it's pretty good to be selected to study dentistry even thought I JUST scraped through as the last couple of people chosen.

Seems like I'm going to hang out with some of the guys from high school tomorrow, I wonder what they'll say, but since they are still young pretty sure they'll all just say that I have made the right choice to go with something I have a passion for. It may be nice to take the rest of the year off though I think, can save up some money. Hopefully girlfriend's parents won't think super lowly of me haha just after I'm getting a bit better in their books ^^

So, I have not been doing exercises for the past two weeks, but I have been going to badminton more often so that kind makes up for it. And I also went to Mt Lofty a few times so that probably boosted my stamina a little bit.

I wonder if I'll be able to do some study for the rest of the year if I take it off, like spec maths and physics to brush up on my memory from two years ago for the math. Obviously my parents won't believe that I'll do it, but I reckon I can do it. Since I actually like math.. Weird right? Who likes math haha.. Only the super nerdy people, but I like math and I'm not super nerdy..

Anyways probs sleep time for me now, hopefully my injured toe will heal soon =]

Near death experience!

Maybe it wasn't that much of a near death, since my life didn't flash before my eyes. Or maybe it was that I have done nothing in my life so nothing showed up xD So I was getting ready to go into the shower.. And obviously posing to check out my sexy 4 pack, so I didn't notice that the shower floor was wet from the person using it before, and BAM gg also slipped and killed myself, but luckily my ninja skills kept my balance =] Cool story eh? I know..

So I always been thinking to download candy shop by 50 cent, ever since I went to the shop in James Place.. And I'm always singing it in my head, and maybe sometimes out loud too xD, but then at badminton I heard someone sing it haha.. Funny to hear that someone else has also got it in them.. So weird right? Coooooool story Iaannnn.. =]

Oh yeah! I went to Mt. Lofty with some friends and I found something cool!

Very nice!

Cool stories everywhere! Not much else to blog about.. Should probs go to sleep now.. Laters!

Here's a pretty good song, it's called burning bridges
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHOubz684-E

Just a quick update!

Long time no post ahha..why? Dno.. Just haven't been feeling the need to express my anger or feelings..but now.. Tonight's badminton was so bad.. I feel they needed to pay me to play with those people there.. But yeah other than that.. I may fail dentistry haha.. Lately I've debating whether to stay in dentistry or go back to engineering.. Dentistry is such a pain in the ass.. Biology sucks balls.. Can't even learn it, you have to memorize everything and it's not even like memorizing math formulas.. It's easy for math since you're continuously using it, but for this biology shit.. You do it for a week then it's gone for the semester.. And BAM it's in the exam.. This is how my dad tells me to do dentistry.. "If you don't mind driving a Corolla, feel free to do engineering! But if you wanna drive a Porsche then you better do engineering." Seriously.. I wonder if I'm the only one in dentistry doing it for the money.. All the people I ask, they all seem to have a liking to dentistry or at least something to do with health.. Then there's me.. Going into every lecture like this $_$.. Well maybe if I somehow suffer 5 years of this then I might be able to drive nice cars.. But too bad.. I don't even know how to study, you may think this is just an excuse but I literally have no idea how to study..

Well how is my exercising going? It's been going pretty good =] Making progress? No idea.. I hope so haha.. Probs really should get some pictures going right? Anyways.. Gna exercise tomorrow since training was so bad today.. I sweat more playing DotA than tonight's training..

Anything good? Well government sent me a letter for me to get my full license =] Pretty excited haha gna go and use all the petrol in the Mini =] But then again.. I'll probs end up driving it down to foodland and back..

Got some good songs! But I'm too lazy to link them so yeah.. Just youtube them yourself =]

Krewella - One Minute
Flight Facilities - Crave You (Adventure Club Remix)
Avicii - UMF
Zedd - Clarity ft Foxes (Andrew Rayel Remix)
Lange vs. Genix - Immersion (Ilan Bluestone Remix)