Already a month..

WARNING: Before you read, please get yourself a nice cup of tea, and prepare for an ULTRA depressing post! Literally get a cup of tea before you read.

Word count: 1819

Hey there! Long time eh? How did one month pass by so quickly? I thought it has only been like 2 weeks since I said I was gonna blog xD Well now is the time to blog.. Why? Coz I feel like shiet.. like COMPLETE trash.. I don't feel like doing anything now. Why? Coz of the tournament that I played in over the weekend just then, it was so bad.. That shit can't even be called badminton. To top everything off I snapped two strings, got them restrung then snapping the Z-Force. So freaking retarded..

Doubles, I had no choice but to lose.. I didn't play too bad but my partner was just getting owned with every shot going to him xD But singles and mixed.. That shit was fucked. Played so many shit matches of mixed during the season where I basically was playing singles on court, then come to tournament with that mindset and played singles on the court like a fucking retard. Literally every shot was a singles shot, did like two pushes in the whole game. Only on the way home did I realise that I wasn't playing mixed, I knew I was playing shit and disgusting but didn't realise that fact on the court, maybe if I did we coulda won.. Maybe if I wasn't that shiet eh? Always next time.. Even though I'm going to state league now, I'll probs go back down to A grade after the winter season coz I just get trashed too much and drop instead of improve.. During the whole tournament I had one good game, that was singles against a friend. Even though I lost, it was a good game compared to the rest.. All the rest where either opponents on a completely different level, or I played like a shitcunt..

I don't understand why I have broken so many rackets compared to other people, I don't mistreat my rackets, I don't throw them on the ground. I don't hit the ground << I see so many people do this.. But I seem to always break my racket, it was my favorite racket as well.. Maybe I can get one off a friend for cheap since he doesn't use it anymore, but I really don't have the money right now for another racket.. I should probs being a little shit and just use my brother's rackets.. I used them before, a little weird but once I got used to them, they were great.. But the reason I don't wanna use them is that I'm scared of breaking them too, how much dad and brother would scold me. Saying I hit the racket of the ground etc, coz I apparently I used to do that when I have to move backwards. But I'm pretty sure I have stopped that habit already.

Gee what a long ass depressing post eh? Well just so you know, I spent around 5 seconds wondering how to spelling depressing after typing "deper" I wished so many times that I can go back in time and change all the things that I have done, one thing I'm thinking of now, is that I shouldn't have spent so much money on a new computer, shouldn't have borrowed money, this feeling of owing money is the worst.. Even though I know I can return the money after a long time since it was from my girlfriend, but I hate this feeling.. Normally getting shouted lunch is fine coz I can pay back in that week by shouting them lunch, but this time it's a hard amount of money, at least to me it is.. It just feels as though no cash I have is mine, But that is true since it is the saved up money to payback..

So many things I want to buy, but I have to keep dreaming about them. I know that my girlfriend will read this and ask me what I want. And I will tell her the headphones that I want, but I don't want that, I don't want her to buy it for me even though I know she really doesn't mind. I just feel like shit when people give me the things that I ask for, makes me feel so low. I want to earn the things that I buy, that way I take care of them. In my opinion, I think I take pretty good care of all the things that I own, yes that includes my rackets even though I didn't pay for every single one.. The only rackets I have paid for was half the Z-force and the VT80. Dad said he would pay for half the racket so obviously I agreed =] Nowadays he won't pay any xD Even though I know my dad won't pay for anything for me anymore, apart from obvious stuff, I still like to ask him to pay, why? Because I like the way my dad responds xD Tells me that I work and he pays me then also have to pay for MY stuff.

So a friend of mine asked me if I thought it was fine that a person got out of a 2.5 year relationship then start dating a friend that the ex also knows in 6 months. I think that it's fine, as long as the person is sure that he/she wants that last relationship gone and isn't wavering about the ex, why? Coz it ruins the next relationship, I admit that I went into my current relationship still wavering over my ex at the time, it was horrible. The new relationship was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and til now it is still hard.. Why? Because about 1 year into it, I started wavering again and lost my girlfriend's trust. Til now she still doesn't fully trust me, and I don't blame her for that. I'm an indecisive person, if I could have gone back in time, I would have waited longer before going into another relationship just so I don't have to hurt the my girlfriend like this and poke a big hole in the relationship. Not saying that I wouldn't date my current girlfriend, coz I know you'll be reading this and thinking that, it's just that this relationship has a big hole that I have no idea to fix and that I wish I didn't hurt you the way I did, and I'm sorry. I hate myself as a person, because I hate all the stuff I have done, all the stupid decisions I selfishly made and hurt people closest to me.

I know one thing that if I had gone back in time that I would still buy.. my keyboard, I love this thing to bits, especially when I am typing like this and just not stopping, it makes sounds that is like sex to my ears! XD there you go! That's the happy bit of this post! Maybe more later, but I've been at this for about an hour now, and I still have stuff on my mind but I can't pinpoint them. So I'll take a break And I thought of one right there, the game where you try to get the 2048 tile, it's a game on your phone! So after 3 days of playing I finally got it =] Picture later, but now it's time for me to take a break, go upstairs say hi to my mom and pour myself a nice cup of tea, maybe even green tea.

And I'm back, and mom is going to cook me a nice fat pork steak for me tonight =] My parents still want me to go back to church, I wonder if it really bothers them that much that I don't go to church anymore.. But they don't directly ask me to go to church anymore, but subtly they will imply it.. Just then my mom was telling me that one of the church pastors came to the coffee shop today, and she was saying how he was so young but so knowledgeable, and how all pastors are really knowledgeable people.

Got myself a cup of milk tea instead of green tea.. Because I like to have green tea, when I'm relaxed playing games or doing homework, but right now even thought I enough doing this, I'm not feeling relaxed at all, I haven't been feeling relaxed after the tournament. Even though I'm really tired, and easily doze off the sleep, I don't feel relaxed.. I have so much homework to do and so much to catch up on, because I miss so many lectures, but I can't bring myself to doing them when I am like this.. Before the tournament I was ready to have to spend the Sunday watching at least my EEE and Statics lecture, but now I just feel like shit.. But I promised myself that I will get to it after I'm done with this post and dinner, no more procrastination tonight and if I finish my work early enough I get to go and hit the gym.. Get my music on and work.. If you are interested I listen to DJ Epsilon and TranceformYourWorld << this was the guy who did NanoMusikTV but it got shutdown. Just so you know, those two are different genres of music. DJ Epsilon is more clubby style songs whereas TranceformYourWorld as the name suggests (feel like I'm writing an essay =.=) has more songs to take me away from this place, as gay as it sounds, it makes me feel like I'm in my own world and I can do anything I want to eg. cry. Lel.

I have so many things that I want to buy, mostly technology because I always watch unboxings and reviews on youtube, you can tell me its gay, geeky, nerdy but I enjoy it, why? Because it's like me buying it and seeing what you get with it and how it performs without having to pay. But this also makes me want to buy the stuff and have it for myself if it turns out to be a good product!

So for now there's nothing that I want to talk about. I have downloaded a couple of songs about nothing that SPECTACULAR to post for you guys.. Ooo maybe this song I'm listening to right now.. Well if I find any tonight, I will make sure I post it tomorrow! I promise!

As you can probably tell from my writing/typing that I am feeling better now, compare before I went to get tea and after! So, once again, this blog has helped me relief my stress! Yayer!

Just to clarify I didn't try to write the biggest post in my life or anything, it's just that all these thinks just popped into my head while typing, one thing lead to another. Bye!

Byebye Z-Force! May the force be with you.